A First For Me

I have a lot going on right now. As you can maybe imagine moving to a new country will provide a long list of things to get done. I have always had a lot of balls in the air, but have managed very well to juggle them all and maintain some sanity. This week however I finally lost the sanity aspect of the whole thing.
The balls I was juggling started becoming more numerous. Then they seemed to be getting heavier and harder to keep up with. Then finally out of nowhere they suddenly turned into chainsaws that someone saw fit to light on fire.
I am still waiting for my immigration paperwork, that thought alone is constantly on my mind. Things at work are as hectic as ever. On top of those main worries was our yard sale. We spent the entire week moving all of our belongings into piles of sell, trash, and keep. I had been really stressing about the yard sale. My main fears being are we going to be stuck with a bunch of things that we will have to panic to try and get rid of at the last moment, and what if we sell everything right now and have nothing to use for the next two months. The two fears I was having about the yard sale directly conflicted with each other. I think that was what triggered my meltdown. Yep, I said it. I had a meltdown!
This was a meltdown of epic proportions. I stated before that I felt like I was juggling flaming chainsaws and that is in no way an exaggeration. My brain would not focus, my thoughts were like a kaleidoscope. Except that the beautiful colors a kaleidoscope gives were replaced by all of the things that need to be completed before moving to Sweden. I was stuck in my own head and could not find a way out.
I was at work doing my morning prep list. My brain kept changing channels, and I could not focus. Next my breathing started to get faster and shallower. Then my chest tightened. I felt trapped. I could not do anything, except sit on the floor in the walk in cooler and panic. Then the cherry on top, I just began to lose it, sobbing like a baby. What was happening to me? I half thought that I was going insane and half thought that I was maybe really having a heart attack. I manager to pull it together enough to call my wife. For two reasons this seemed good to me. First if I could talk to her maybe I could sort it out, and second if I was dying I wanted to hear her voice before I was gone.
I can only imagine what her thoughts were when I called. I tried to explain to her the best I could what was happening, but I did not really know myself so I was not making myself very clear. Finally she said some things that made my mind slow down a bit, and I could focus little.
I obviously survived the ordeal and was actually able to realize I was not going crazy. I also realized through this that my wife is an amazing woman. She talked me down from my first panic attack.
I am not looking forward to having another panic attack. I have heard people talk about them before, and really did not comprehend what they were talking about. I even thought at times that these people must be ill equipped for dealing with life. I am sorry for those thoughts, and I truly apologize to anyone who has ever had one of these evil things.

Lessons from a Recycled Robot

Today I had the joy of working on a school project with Emma. As we were working on her Recycled Robot a few thoughts came to mind. The first being that we were actually making a pretty cool robot, and she was really creative with all of the things she wanted to build with our box of recyclables. Second I began to think how nice it will be to spend more time with Emma following our move. You see, right now as with a lot of Americans I work a lot of hours and I work a very hectic schedule. There are weeks that I work such an opposite schedule of Emma that I don't even get to see her. One stretch that I worked last month, I logged SIX hours with my daughter over five days.

I inherited a very strong work ethic from my father. For all my life my Dad has worked very hard. As a young boy I watched and decided that that was how things were supposed to be. Dad hammered out twelve plus hour days like they were nothing, traveled for weeks at a time and I don't really ever recall him complaining about it. When he was home he always made time for me and that has been what drives me. I want to be like my Dad!

The lesson from today however found my questioning why do we do it. Why do I pay a phenomenal nanny close to $1000 a month so that my wife and I can go to work. I know obviously that we need money for bills and what not, but when does it end. I have a house full of stuff, that to be perfectly honest I am not home enough to truly enjoy. Emma has tons of toys, but a couple of times now she has told both my wife and myself that she doesn't want new toys if we could just stay home. How did my Dad balance all of it? How do you balance it?

With the move to Sweden I am going to reinvent my family. I want the only thing money can't buy. I want TIME with my Queens. I will still work hard. I will probably have to work harder to make my way as a foreigner, but I will do it smarter. I will not accept that I have to miss Emma growing up, to provide for my family. I will still try to be like my Dad, he always made time for me.

So a quick thank you to Lili the robot for reminding me what it is supposed to be about. And a thank you to Emma for asking me to help with her Recycled Robot project. I am glad that on this occasion I made the time, like my Dad always did for me.

Sell, Sell, Sell

We are bringing a whole new meaning to spring cleaning at our house. It is that time of year where everyone knocks the winter dust and cobwebs out of their homes, and takes inventory of what they have or what they are going to purchase going forward. With the move to Sweden fast approaching (roughly 12 weeks) we are attacking this task with a different outcome in mind. Our house sounds like the floor of the stock market with cries of SELL SELL ringing throughout the house.

Moving across the globe has made all of our possessions disposable to us. The question then becomes does it hold a cash value, and if so how much? So as we are cleaning I am constantly saying to myself  "Would you buy this?" So far I have answered yes to almost everything, of course, I bought it in the first place. I am of the mindset at this point that if I can get ANY money for something, it is better than nothing.

So if you are trolling through Craigslist and you see a "Slightly Used" anything for sale, think of me and remember that in my mind it seemed to be worth something.