A new masterpiece

With one week left in the USA, nervousness is starting to set in. The last week in Colorado has been great! I have seen family, and friends that I have not seen for a long time. Physically I have had a chance to recuperate from the eight month process that moving out of the country became. Mentally though, I have not completely relaxed. There have been times when I have been able to just let my mind go clear, but most of the time it is still trying to process this crazy adventure. Between a family reunion, and a going away party with lots of old friends the questions have been plenty. I understand that everybody wants to know all of the details, but unfortunately I still do not have all of the answers.

It has been pretty much the same questions throughout.

What are you going to do for work? My reply always brings a blank stare, often with a little glimmer in their eyes as if saying this guy has lost his mind. Truth be told, I have ZERO idea of what I am going to do. I have said before that I am totally letting go and trusting that everything will be alright. I have a great support system in Sweden that is as invested in my families well being and success as I am. I will not fail! Or should I say I will not fail forever. I know that there will be failures, and they are going to be used as ways to improve and succeed. This decision was never going to be understood by all, but it is understood by me and my two queens. The questions have set my mind racing.

I try to think forward to next week and what my routine will be as I become a Swedish resident, and all I see is vast blank canvas. I cannot picture a normal day and what it will hold for me. I can easily sit here and look at tomorrow and see my day play out in my mind. That vision does not show for next week, and frankly it is strange. I am 40 years old, and cannot picture a simple day. It is both inspiring and  frightening at the same time. Every day for me has been relatively the same. I know have the opportunity to completely reinvent my life. I can make my new routine anything I want, but there is comfort in my old routine. I am afraid that if I attempt to have the same routine, I will not grow and take advantage of this new life. I am afraid that if I attempt a new routine, I will lose everything that makes me me. I know that I could lead more of an exciting life, but what would that be? How many of you would want that blank canvas to start your masterpiece all over again? Think if you could start all over, what would you do? Would you change things or would you do the same?

Next week, I will be looking at my new blank canvas that is my life. I will pick up my new Swedish paintbrush and begin my new masterpiece. Hopefully I will like the picture!