The Bike

For the last two years this has been my daughter's bike. Over that time she went from wobbly and scared to a parents heart attack inducing dare devil. When I walked outside today and saw my daughters bike all alone in the middle of my parents yard, it became so much more.

It became a catalyst for an outpouring of emotion that I have been bottling up since arriving in Colorado. This little bike brought me to tears. I looked at it and no longer saw a bike, but a piece of my daughters life. She overcame some of her biggest fears on this bike. She learned that pain goes away on this bike. She got her first taste of independence on this bike. She also became more responsible on this bike.

When I looked at this bike today, all I could think about is how much my life is changing right now. I have made a serious effort to not have any emotions showing for the last two weeks. I do not want anyone to misinterpret my emotions. I do not want my daughter to see daddy crying and scared about moving to Sweden because I am trying very hard to instill confidence in her. I cannot tell her that everything will be okay while I am crying and scared. So the choice I made was to bottle it up. Apparently my bottle was full and that damn bike was the last drop.

This bike saved us all today. There had been such a tension in the air today. Nobody was talking or enjoying each others company, everyone seemed to be subconsciously avoiding the elephant in the room. Once my emotional dam broke it liberated is all. It was like a cleansing heavy rain had fell and cleaned the air. This bike allowed me and my family to enjoy our last night together.

We will be leaving this bike behind but because of what it brought my daughter and now me, I will never forget this bike.

Trying for some down time

We started our journey north on Saturday. This first leg consisted of an eleven hour drive from Arizona to Colorado. While long, the drive is through some of the most beautiful scenery of the American southwest. This is the land that I grew up in. I saw it everyday through my childhood, and unfortunately after time I guess I took it for granted. On this drive however I was completely struck by the beauty. I guess it must be the fact that I am leaving it all, and honestly do not know when I will return.

Once we arrived at my parents house the goal was to spend the time recuperating from the madness that has been the last eight months. So far though it has been vey difficult to get the down time. There are so many sights and people to see. We took my daughter on her first mountain hike to a place called Hanging Lake. For those unfamiliar with it, it is a 1.2 mile hike covering 1100 vertical feet. Figured it was necessary for my daughter to see the beauty of Colorado before we moved to Sweden. She enjoyed the hike immensely. 

     

The people seeing is difficult. Trying to get family members and friends together is like trying to control a heard of caffeinated squirrels. I know that there are people who want to see us before we move, and we want to see everybody as well. Unfortunately we are all not on the same vacation for two weeks. We are trying to get everyone together in a couple of group gatherings. One for family, and one for friends. 

So as all of this rolls on, there has been very little down time so far. I have this feeling of no matter what I do, someone will feel disappointed or left out. I guess I was a little naive thinking that there would be time to do everything. Whatever I end up doing, it is a win win situation for me. If I get to see everyone and everything I will be happy. If I get my downtime, I will finally get to recuperate a little bit.